ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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