she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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