you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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