Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
