i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just pee around me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
