worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
