First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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