I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
