Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
