She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
