I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
