if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
