She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
