Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
