i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
