Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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