I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
