you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
