how do flat chested girls get laid?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
