Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
