I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
