Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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