I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
