Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
