I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
