I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
the day after is always just damage control
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
