i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
