Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
