69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
