I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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