Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
