i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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