It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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