A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
