so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
