Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
