happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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