There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think i have two assholes
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
