Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
