It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Can't talk, ducks in the car
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
