i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
