can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
