Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
