went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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