Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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