I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
