I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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