saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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