I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
