Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
