why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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